The first thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Five month of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing a Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Ohhh geeez
I'm tryin to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
I want a transformer for Christmas
Charities, and what do you mean YOUR in-laws?!
Five months of bills
Ughh, makin' up these cards
oh, Edith get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cords?!
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking spaces,
Daddy, I want some candy!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers
Now why the hell are they blinking?!
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Buy me something!
Get a job you bum!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Yo-ho sending Christmas cards
Oh-geez look at this
One light goes out, they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Mom, I gotta go bathroom!
Charities!
She's a witch, I hate her
Five months of bills
Oh, I don't even know half these people!
Oh, who has the toilet paper, huh?
Turn on a flashlight, I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking!
WAHH (crying)
Charities
Gotta make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending 'em this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
Fine, you're so smart! You rig up the lights!
And finding a Christmas tree